Hello everyone and welcome to PORTMANIA! DAY ONE!
PORTMANIA 26 in fact. For almost a quarter of a century we at NP.com have celebrated Natalie Portman’s birthday with PORTMANIA!! A five day festivity of love, kindness, and garbage. A salute to NATALIE PORTMAN and all of her successes and all of her faults! We don’t judge! and this Sunday Natalie Portman turns 43!
Now please, Dive into the adventure of love that is…
PORTMANIA…
…26.
Well, here we are, another year has passed and Natalie Portman has grown an inch, and so it’s PORTMANIA once again. And we’re not ready whatsoever. If you could give us another week, or maybe we could come back next year?
No. That’s not how it works. We have to take over NOW. Natty P only has one birthday a year. And this is it! TIME MARCHES ON! For whom the bell tolls.
Technically we have no permission to do this at all. I’ve texted the People In Charge, and didn’t get any answer. So, we just have taken over natalieportman.com and we’re interrupting a bunch of new stories and pictures of Natalie filming a movie in England, where she’s hanging out, smoking, looking beautiful, wearing a Canadian tuxedo. it’s very fun and happening and we’re ruining the momentum by having PORTMANIA right now in the middle of everything. Pirate radio style. Hopefully it all works out alright and we’re not arrested or anything.
So, how have you been?
Between PORTMANIAS, Natalie has gotten divorced! and that can be good and bad at the same time. Let’s all wish her luck and hope that she’s happy. and maybe someone out there can give her my number. I don’t like this Paul Mescal guy lurking around.
ANYWAY.
If you are having a feeling of euphoria or bliss, you might be having a psychotic episode. Or it might be PORTMANIA! We’ll take credit either way! But go see a doctor and get checked out. PORTMANIA: Safety first!
I want to apologize in advance. This will probably go down as one of the Very Worst PORTMANIAS. and that’s really saying something!
Some of them have been lousy, some have been terrible, some have been just plain rotten. But THIS ONE might be all of them together.
Something that’s never been Lousy/Terrible/Rotten, besides breakfast burritos, is NATALIE PORTMAN. and that’s what we’re all here for:
It’s TRUE! She’s better than all of us. And better than breakfast burritos! But she’s pretty humble about it.
Alright, let’s save something for the next four days. We’re going to end DAY ONE now. and I’m optimistic that you’ll come back tomorrow for DAY TWO! and maybe I’ll be back too.
Come to Life. Come to PORTMANIA.