Today we have yet another in the ever extending list of male celebs that have a crush on Natalie (not to mention female celebs that look up to her). Unfortunately, this time its Joe Jonas. Unfortunate because I know who that is and I really wish I didn’t. These kids are freaking everywhere and the only comfort I can draw upon is the fact that I’m old enough to remember Hanson. I’ve seen this movie. I know how it ends.

You wonder about this. Joe Jonas, purity-ring wearer, wanting to know what put the Jaggerness in Jagger. Should I tell him it was lots of sex? It seems I don’t have to. “Can I come with you to meet Leona Lewis? Will you tell her I love her? I’ve been watching her video. She’s gorgeous.” Nick rolls his eyes: “She’s one of many for him. He’s got quite a few.” Joe says: “Natalie Portman.” I can almost feel him licking his lips. “Emma Watson,” he says louder. “Cheryl Cole. I like a lot of people.”