It’s beginning to look more and more like Devendra and Natalie have broken up (note to Clone: You were right, buddy.) and if that is the case I think its fitting that we take a moment to down cartwheels around our living rooms. After which we can look back at their “relationship”, safe in the knowledge that it has a happy ending.

The first time we heard of Natalie and Devendra in the same breath was when she asked him to contribute a song for her FINCA charity album. In this EW article she talks about loving the freak folk scene of music, of which Devendra thinks he is a part, but isn’t close to the class of Antony and Joanna Newsom.

The next time we heard about the two of them was when Natalie reluctantly agreed to return the favour (part of his original ploy no doubt) and star in Devendra’s new music video for Carmensita, which turned out to be the stupidest thing this side of Crocs.

Natalie must have felt very sorry for him because it wasn’t long before they were spotted back in NY looking platonic.

Okay, scratch platonic. And scratch out my eyes.

Devendra’s silly face and his blind man spun in circles fashion non-sense had Natalie fans confused. Natalie couldn’t REALLY be dating him, could she? Her past relationships have always been with really pretty guys. ‘Cept Gael, he was also a tool.

Any reasonable doubt was quickly tossed aside as Natalie was snapped with him again. And again. And again. We might have got tons of images of the two of them but whats the point when he ruins every photo by being in it?

Some would say Natalie looked happy during this period. Two words: Stockholm Syndrome. I mean look at these photos…

…case closed.

Every now and then Devendra tried to clean up a bit but only managed to make himself look marginally less ridiculous when doing so.

In May, Natalie was a jury member at the Cannes Film Festival and it wasn’t long before Devendra crashed the party. They were seen sharing an awkward meal together and he even invited himself to the red carpet.

A brief visit to Israel followed Cannes, giving Devendra the chance to make a fool of himself, Natalie, Israel and muscians everywhere, by exposing the contours of his package to the world. Civility be damned.

Fur Ball even mentioned Natalie in an interview but came across like an insecure wet napkin.

“Natalie is one of the best persons that I have met in my life. She is funny and entertaining”. They met in the recording of the video ‘Carmensita’. ” It was very rare. I do not know how it happened, but it happened. She is very humane, that day she bought me lunch “.

Captivated by the beauty and the charisma of Portman he admits that he avoids seeing her in certain movies as Closer. “I cannot watch when she is kissing others”, he admits unexpectedly candid.

They were back in NY for her birthday and I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to punch him more.

But vindication was just around the corner.

It all started with her moving to LA because he tricked her with black magic.

Dev got back to work with his “band”, Megapuss, who are an exercise in breaking music forever. Their first gig had Devendra wearing a dildo adorned skirt. A skirt would have been bad. Dildos would have been bad. A dildo skirt? Even 5 year olds would be embarrassed.

The LA paparazzi were too scared of cro-magnon man’s body odour to bother trying to find Dev and Nat but they probably just sat around being bored at each other.

She was dragged to a few crap concerts and Hawaii but when they were finally snapped again, the gulf between them was evident. The voodoo and drug cocktails were clearly wearing off.

If this break up rumour isn’t true, I will hang myself. Natalie could do better with her eyes closed in the gorilla habitat at the local zoo.

“Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.” – Devendra Banhart

What a douche.

Finally, enjoy this special wallpaper that Rachel put together.