well fellas.

it’s christmas time again. and because natalie is a christian and loves jesus i think we need to do something. and so..

Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

yes. movie quotes!!!! that’s what this website needs. random quotes from christmas movies. and then the christmas spirit will be back and santa claus will baptise us with is holy water and whatnot. and natalie being a buddhist will really enjoy it because hindus love christmas.

so here we go. the person that gets the movie quotes will get a prize. and that prize is… NOTHING. YOU GET NOTHING.

movie quote #3 (the other two were eariler): Where’s that money, you silly stupid old fool? Where’s that money? Do you realize what this means? It means bankruptcy and scandal and prison. That’s what it means. One of us is going to jail – well, it’s not gonna be me.

#4: Now, now, now, now, now, it’s possible. You take the International Date Line, multiply it by the Time Zones, divided by the accelerated rotation of the earth… uh, carry the 1, and, uh, allowing for the Vernal Equinox on the Tropic of Cancer, he might just pull it off.

#5: Person 1: I know the story of A Christmas Carol like the back of my hand!
Person 2: Prove it!
Person 1: Okay. [turns around and holds his arm out] There’s a mole on my thumb, and a scar on my wrist, from when I fell of my bicycle!
Person 2: [shaking his head] No, no, no, don’t tell us your hand, tell us the story!

#6: All day long I listen to people give me excuses why they can’t work. “My legs hurt.” “My back aches.” “I’m only four.” The sooner he learns life isn’t handed to him on a silver platter, the better.

#7: Yeah, there’s a lot of bad ‘isms’ floatin’ around this world, but one of the worst is commercialism. Make a buck, make a buck. Even in Brooklyn it’s the same – don’t care what Christmas stands for, just make a buck, make a buck.

#8: When what’s left of you gets around to what’s left to be gotten, what’s left to be gotten won’t be worth getting, whatever it is you’ve got left.

that’s enough right? Santa Claus and Easter Rabbit and Punky Brewster have all entered your heart, right? i saved christmas on NP.com, right?!

RIGHT. let’s go get drunk and call our moms names. but NICE ONES. it’s christmas! and hannakier or whatever. love and hope and peace and alcohol. you can’t go wrong.

and remember, guys: no man is a failure who has friends.